


Eternally waiting

by stylensoul



Series: Belonging to love [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Comfort, Death, Depression, Drinking, Leaving, Love, M/M, Multi, OT4, OT5, Sad, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 23:09:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5183117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylensoul/pseuds/stylensoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is not where I belong, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.<br/>Or<br/>Liam's the scotch tape disguised as duct tape and they don't realize until it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eternally waiting

"I'm okay." he told himself. And them, whenever they asked. He just didn't feel...normal. But then again, while on tour, what is normal?  
\------------  
"Liam. Li. It's time to get up." that was the first day Zayn had ever woken him up. It was also the first day he could remember feeling different. He didn't feel happy or excited for the day. I'm just tired. He told himself. 

It got worse from then on, the boys were catching on. Extra cuddles, extra Liam time. More "Are you okay, Lili?". He wasn't upset about them being worried, it just wasn't his top priority, being okay. The boys were more important. In his eyes anyway... 

A few weeks later, the boys noticed a large decrease in Liam's weight. They noticed he wast eating, was wearing long sleeves more often. They didn't think much of it, thinking "Maybe his appetite has just decreased" and "He must be cold again". They were wrong. 

Liam was falling into depression. He didn't feel good about his body and mind. He felt ugly and fat. Due to depression, he thought the boys had forgotten about him and started cutting. He stopped eating because he thought he was too heavy. 

One day, he decided on a shower to clear his head. He had heard the boys leave the not 10 minutes ago to the pub, without mentioning to him they were going on a date. "Do my boyfriends not love me anymore?" Was the only thought running through his head. So, he took his trusty blade and headed for the shower. 

They found him sitting in the shower two hours later with multiple cuts running up and down his arms. They were deep and he wasn't responding. 

"I'm so sorry" "we did all we could" "too much blood lost". Their rock, their duct tape. Turns out, their duct tape was only normal tape and wasn't strong enough to hold all five of them together. So Liam had to pick one to stop supporting. Himself. 

When they found out, they cried. For days and days. People visited, gave out flowers and cards, but no matter how many things they received, nothing could bring back their Liam. 

Harry resorted to drinking. He drank and drank. It made him forget. Yet, there were the nights where he'd call the boys drunkenly and beg for them to stop kidding around, put Liam on the phone and come and get him. He stopped after 23 days and stayed in his room with a new bootle every day. 

Louis tried to keep it together, he really did. But, he couldn't resist. He resorted to over-excercising. I need to be extra strong for them, inside and out, right? He asked himself. It wasn't healthy, he forgot to eat when he exercised that much. 29 days later, he gave up and hid himself away in the comfort of Harry, who was hiding in his room. 

Zayn left for 21 days. He couldn't handle the tweets from fans, texts and emails from management and family and friends so he turned off his phone (more like smashed it) and left. He rented a small cabin in the middle of no where for 21 days, and cried himself to sleep every night. On the 21st night, he grew numb, stopped crying and went home...to try to cope. 

Niall wasn't okay. He didn't pretend to be okay. He had vivid nightmares about Liam, sitting in that damned bathtub of blood crying out for the boys. He didn't sleep, in fear of the nightmares. When he did sleep, he cloaked himself in a oversized hoodie of Liam's, surrounded by his belongings. He practically moved all of what were Liam's things, into his room. On the 42nd day, Niall had moved almost everything into his room. That's when he found the note, and the diary. 

Louis, Zayn, Niall and Harry,  
I'm sorry boys. I promise I love you okay? It wasn't your fault. I wrote this letter because I know it was bound to happen soon. I'm lost boys. Every time I try to tell one of you, the words get stuck. I was so close to saying something to you Niall, when we were cuddling by the fire. Or in the beginning, when Louis took me on the Farris Wheel at the fair we all went on a date at a while back. Harry, I came so close that one time we were making brownies and speaking of the future. I was seconds away from telling Zayn everything while we were painting together in the art room together. I want you guys to know I'm sorry. It wasn't your guys' faults, never will be. I just couldn't hold on y'know? I can't believe I'm sane enough to even write you guys a letter. I feel like I owe it to you all. I was supposed to be the paperweight that held down the stack of papers, but instead I'm the wind that blew them away. I'll love you forever and always, my loves.  
-Liam. 

The diary was 112 pages long. It was full of Liam's depression, love and hate. 4 days after finding the letter and diary, they straightened up the house, apologized to each other and made the decision that night they would be going to Liam's place of resting to say sorry as well. 

"Liam, we're so sorry. We love you so, so much..."


End file.
